(Who’re little snot bags, by the way.)
(Tangent moment: I really just want to slap each and every one upside the head, because even while I was sitting there watching they disrespected the crap out of her; especially the fifth graders. They just dicked around and didn’t do anything they were supposed to and refused to give her her proper respect, so what I really wanted to do was call everyone to attention and say something like: “Okay, which of you have moms? Okay. Now, let’s pretend that somebody comes up to your mom and says something really rude. Something awful. Let’s say, maybe, they push your mom. They’re being disrespectful. How would you feel about that? Awful, right? Mrs. -insert last name here- is my mom, and that’s how I feel. So knock it off before I throttle the lot of you.” They’d probably just ignore it, and it’s not okay to threaten small people, but honestly I was getting really pissed off. My poor mama works hard, and they’re just little jerks about it, you know?)
(This is also why I could never be a teacher.)
But anyway. She’s doing this deal on internet safety with the second graders, and they’re watching these older cartoons put out by… a famous university (I’m thinking BYU but that can’t be right). The one she showed me was about distinguishing real life from the internet (IT’S WHAT I’M GOOD AT RITE).
This cat named Faux Paws (lol no) was on World of Cat Wars all day and night, and at one point the cat’s panda friend called the cat and shouted at her, saying
“FAUX PAWS! YOUR REAL FRIENDS NEED YOU!”
And naturally I went
and thought of all of you.
BACK WHEN WE WERE YOUNG-UNS
HE WAS LIKE THE JUSTIN BEIBER OF OUR TIME
IN MY OPINION
INFINITELY MORE TALENTED
AND HE DID ALL KINDS OF AMAZING STUFF THAT MADE LEGIONS OF YOUNG PRETEENS’ PREMATURE OVARIES EXPLODE
(But what else is new)
Today in church, this REALLY cute guy sat down two seats over from me. He was probably my age, maybe a bit older, and I was really hoping nobody sat inbetween us before church started, and nobody did. They always do a fun little meet-and-greet thing where they say “we invite you to shake hands with some of the people around you.”
(Except, tangent, that’s actually probably my least favorite part of church, because take today for example. I got one princess grab where the lady [almost always a lady] takes your hand in her thumb and fingers kind of like a pincer and doesn’t-shake-just-sits, one firm handshake, and one weak and wimply shake. Drove me nuts. Everybody just needs to shake hands like a man so that I don’t feel stupid after going into a handshake like a normal human being.)
Anyway I shook the cute guy’s hand and he smiled at me and he was all “G’morning, how are you?” and I responded appropriately and the rest of the service I was like
(this is directly relevant to the amount of time I actually spend around cute guys)
(which is a grand total of never)
And I was telling my mama about it, and she was like “LOL AWESOME,” but she looked a little surprised. So as a bit of a joke I said “See, I am attracted to guys my age. It isn’t all Hugh Jackman and David Bowie.” (At which she winced. My love for David Bowie goes unappreciated within my family.)
And then she told me about how actually, she wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up marrying somebody older than I am, because I have a certain level of maturity (LOL WHAT MATURITY) and intellect that most guys my age don’t, since it takes guys longer to catch up on the growing-up scale than it does women.
I’ve pretty much thought that myself, but I always figured my parents would be like “WHY CAN’T YOU FIND A NICE GUY YOUR AGE” because my tastes definitely lean in the upward direction. So I asked her if it would bother her, and she said no, which was a complete surprise, and then I realized that I hadn’t asked the most important question.
Me: “How much older?”
Mom: “Oh, like five years.”
At which point I went
and had to stop the conversation.
FIVE YEARS YOU GUYS - FIVE
FIVE IS A DROP IN THE BUCKET MAMA
If there was ever a female Doctor, Mary was it.
Head canon, idgaf, fight me.
seriously. she had the bag that was bigger on the inside and everything.
Bowties are cool, huh Mary?
OH MY GOD.
Everything above! (Her bag that’s bigger on the inside, her bowtie, not explaining anything) It all makes sense!
MY FANDOM LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE UNTIL NOW! You cannot convince me that she is not the Doctor now.
Except I don’t want to be a superhero because I’d probably hurt myself.
And I don’t want to get really fat and give up on all my dreams.
And much as I like Rorschach I really wouldn’t want him as a friend. Or stalker.
And I don’t want to be 40 and still not have any semblance of a family.
And I don’t want to ever ever ever date anyone like Laurie.
So basically I want to be Dan.
But without all the Watchmen parts?